Posts Tagged ‘sex’
This article is about my experiences of international and inter-racial dating. It is purely an account of what I have witnessed and experienced myself over the course of my life so far, although at 55 years old, I am nearer the end of it than the beginning. It is my advice on handling an international or inter-racial relationship.
It all began at an early age when I was in infant school at seven. There was a Filipina girl in our class and I could not take my eyes off her, although I almost certainly did not know much about it then. We parted at eight when they moved closer to another school and I never saw her again.
My next meeting with a foreign girl, was the mademoiselle junior teacher at school and I was convinced that I would marry a French country girl when I grew up. That passed when the German assistant arrived.
When I was fourteen, I went on a school cruise to Leningrad and there was a party of exchange students going home to Sweden on the same ship. I went out with one of them for roughly a week and first realized the problems that can come from international dating. There was a minor language barrier, but it was fun getting over that. The real difficulty came, because I had predetermined ideas of what Swedish girls were like, probably instilled in me after years of silly ‘Carry On’ films.
At sixteen, I went to Germany to work for the summer and I found it very easy to get on with the German girls, although they were shyer that I was expecting too. Also an outlook I owed to silly Health and Efficiency ’sex films’.
After finishing university, I moved to The Netherlands to live. It was the seventies and Dutch girls were great. However, I made friends with male British colleagues first and soon saw some of the issues that can come from an international relationship. Most of the men I knew were typical Brits and made totally no attempt to learn Dutch at all. Surprisingly, many Dutch people could not speak English either, particularly the parents.
This lead to a surprising number of stressful moments in a week and that put a lot of strain on my friends’ relationships. It is so easy to start name-calling when you are angry and it is the worst thing you can do. The Dutch girlfriend or her parents or friends would be called ‘a stupid cheese eater’ or something equally foolish and the relationship was over or in trouble for days. I do not remember what the Dutch called us.
I vowed to myself there and then never to get serious about a foreign girl because the arguments were just too much. Food was never a problem. Culture was not much of a problem, although where I was in southern Netherlands, most people were Catholic and I am not. This did perplex some parents but not me. Travelling was always going to be the drawback. Do you live by her parents or yours? Especially when children start arriving. Most countries have stronger family ties than Britain.
Then, at 50, having never been married, I went to Thailand, where I met my wife-to-be. Asian culture is very different from British or even European society and it is a real shock to both parties. Anyway, five years into our relationship and we are still fine. I recollect the reasons I gave myself for not marrying abroad when in The Netherlands and I was incorrect, but not much.
If you are going to enter into an international or even inter-racial relationship, you had better learn how to control your anger. It is the most important advice you will ever get. Being understanding of other points of view is important too, but not getting angry is more important. Furthermore, you must try to learn something about your partner’s land, background and language, otherwise you cannot join in any discussion your partner may have with someone who does know a bit about it.
I have never seen religion be a hindrance ever, except in an argument. My wife is Buddhist and I am not. We talk about it, but there is never any tension. Food, again I have never seen a problem in this area. Clothing, again no problem in my life. If you get into an international or inter-racial relationship, keep your temper, do not shout, do not get angry and talk things out calmly.
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Although orgasm is usually a pleasurable and happy experience for most people, it can be painful for others who find that it triggers coital headaches. For these people, sexual activity can actually cause these coital headache attacks.
Technically, a headache, or cephalalgia, is a symptom of various conditions of the head and sometimes the neck too. They can be classified into two main groups: primary or idiopathic, and symptomatic, although there are other ways of classifying them too; for example by severity.
Put simply, primary headaches have a known or unknown cause, whereas symptomatic headaches are often caused by trauma. Primary headaches include: migraine, tension headaches, cluster headaches and coital headaches, amongst others.
Coital headaches, also called coital cephalalgia or sexual headaches, is a rare, but severe form of headache that starts in the nape of the neck during sexual intercourse, but before climax. It can occur in all conditions where climax is the expected result. The pain can move to behind the eyes and can then become even more severe. Typically the pain will last from a few minutes to an hour or so, but it has been known to last for days in extreme cases.
Men are three times more at risk to coital headaches than women and the age groups most at risk are those between 20 and 25 and 30 and 44. Nobody really understands why this should be. Coital headaches afflict about one percent of the population, although this figure could be a lot higher due to people being embarrassed to talk about it.
Coital headaches are benign, meaning that they cause no long-term ill effects, as far as we know. It seems that people taking sexual stimulants, like Viagara, are about 10% more at risk to a bout of coital headache. In fact, besides the obvious, temporary pain, the worst effects of coital headaches are differing levels of dizziness, confusion and stiffness of neck.
However, it is still worth while going to a doctor though, especially in the beginning, just to rule out the more serious causes of headaches, such as brain tumours and blood clots. However, the doctor can do very little to help by way of treatment. He could suggest a complete abstention from any kind of sexual activity for a period varying from days to weeks or he may recommend trying taking medication a short time before sexual foreplay commences.
Some of the headache medications that can be taken are indomethacin, imitrex, zomig and propranolol, although if the headaches persist, your doctor could recommend daily preventive medication. People suffering from frequent coital headaches may experience a positive response to migraine preventive medications, such as beta blockers or verapamil. Non-steroidal anti inflammatory drugs (NSAIDS) such as ibuprofen may similarly be helpful. Coital headaches and migraines are also more likely to occur if the person is in poor physical health.
However, the cure for coital headaches for a lot of people can be as simple as bringing your weight up or down to the normal weight for your size. Coital headaches can also be cured in some sufferers by an increased level of exercise, although this could bring on exertion headaches in a few cases.
The good news is though that most headaches related to sex are not serious in nature. In fact, various studies actually suggest that orgasm can relieve headaches and migraine in some cases. This implies that for some adults, refusing sex may actually be the reason that prevents headache treatment.
If you suffer from migraine or headaches, you really ought to definitely visit our website on Stopping Headaches. This and other unique content ” articles are available with free reprint rights.
